Gesstanort is a god.

She takes the form of a very long, unsympathetic chinchilla.

Gesstanort created the planet Earth five million years ago.

If you believe in Gesstanort, she will laugh at you.

If you do not believe in Gesstanort, she will destroy your favourite dwarf planet.

Gesstanort's most sacred site is Qangwa in Botswana.

Gesstanort's Holy Commandments

1. Gesstanort loves mice, so they must be respected.

2. Never feed onions to foxes while wearing yellow tights.

3. Never think about moons.

4. Do not dye your hair mauve.

5. Do not listen to heathen tongues.