Tapzogvil is a god.

She takes the form of a galaxy-sized, pitiless salamander.

Tapzogvil created the Sun seven quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Tapzogvil, she will grant your every desire.

If you do not believe in Tapzogvil, she will insist you be burnt at the stake.

Tapzogvil's most sacred site is Phepheng in Botswana.

Tapzogvil's Holy Commandments

1. Do not take Tapzogvil's name in vain.

2. Run away if eight bats approach from the south.

3. You must pray to Tapzogvil three times a day.

4. Never talk about fire.

5. Never hurt tapirs.