Tafgeptun is a god.

It takes the form of a small, stupid guinea pig.

Tafgeptun created the universe five thousand years ago.

If you believe in Tafgeptun, it will ignore you.

If you do not believe in Tafgeptun, it will send three marmosets to sort you out.

Tafgeptun's most sacred site is Snipp in Sweden.

Tafgeptun's Holy Commandments

1. Do not shelter from rain as it is holy.

2. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.

3. Always wear gray.

4. You must never eat lemons.

5. Never wear shorts.