Quartsawbompom Fitafgam Farcembut is a god.

It takes the form of a four hundred metre long, calm squirrel.

Quartsawbompom Fitafgam Farcembut created a charm quark eight million years ago.

If you believe in Quartsawbompom Fitafgam Farcembut, it will celebrate by creating some planets.

If you do not believe in Quartsawbompom Fitafgam Farcembut, it will turn you into a goat.

Quartsawbompom Fitafgam Farcembut's most sacred site is Faux Cap in Madagascar.

Quartsawbompom Fitafgam Farcembut's Holy Commandments

1. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.

2. Do not kill snakes.

3. Respect rivers and do not attempt to bridge them.

4. Pray towards the east.

5. Always help sick shrews.