Fidgemyarl is a god.

He takes the form of an extremely fat, awe-inspiring dingo.

Fidgemyarl created snails nine quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Fidgemyarl, he will grant you five wishes.

If you do not believe in Fidgemyarl, he will manifest in front of you.

Fidgemyarl's most sacred site is Xtul in Mexico.

Fidgemyarl's Holy Commandments

1. You must pray to Fidgemyarl seven times a day.

2. Do not chop down trees.

3. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Fidgemyarl.

4. Do not trade with those who eat pineapples.

5. Never write about asteroids.