Ganloophig is a god.

She takes the form of a heavy, benevolent capybara.

Ganloophig created Mount Everest eight quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Ganloophig, she will grant you three wishes.

If you do not believe in Ganloophig, she will send four elderly elephants to rub you out.

Ganloophig's most sacred site is Zhelaizhai in China.

Ganloophig's Holy Commandments

1. Never look at stars.

2. Never eat bark.

3. Do not listen to music.

4. Always make sure there are no gulls in a room before entering it.

5. Do not dye your hair magenta.