Vantimhad is a god.

He takes the form of a thin, deceitful mongoose.

Vantimhad created tapeworms two million years ago.

If you believe in Vantimhad, he will be happy.

If you do not believe in Vantimhad, he will turn you into a goat.

Vantimhad's most sacred site is Vinezac in France.

Vantimhad's Holy Commandments

1. Never think about the inheritance of acquired characteristics.

2. Erect a large copper sculpture of Vantimhad on top of all buildings.

3. Always pray in complete darkness.

4. Always make a point of helping unfortunate hamsters.

5. Do not trade with those who eat grapes.