Gepbigfemcam Zanjensis is a god.

He takes the form of a heavy, duplicitous otter.

Gepbigfemcam Zanjensis created snails nine million years ago.

If you believe in Gepbigfemcam Zanjensis, he will ignore you.

If you do not believe in Gepbigfemcam Zanjensis, he will destroy your favourite star.

Gepbigfemcam Zanjensis' most sacred site is Karikalampakkam in India.

Gepbigfemcam Zanjensis' Holy Commandments

1. Permit no heathen within the settlement walls.

2. Never talk about the strong nuclear force.

3. Respect your elders.

4. Do not chop down trees.

5. Never feed onions to otters while wearing pink jumpers.