Zodvanlarg is a god.

She takes the form of an extremely thin, selfish ferret.

Zodvanlarg created a top quark seven thousand years ago.

If you believe in Zodvanlarg, she will give you great power.

If you do not believe in Zodvanlarg, she will turn you into a slug.

Zodvanlarg's most sacred site is Issigeac in France.

Zodvanlarg's Holy Commandments

1. Feed all hungry tortoises.

2. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

3. Do not bounce in public.

4. Never wear orange jumpers.

5. Do not listen to music.