Xemgancarnakcid is a god.

It takes the form of a slender, merciful otter.

Xemgancarnakcid created energy nine million years ago.

If you believe in Xemgancarnakcid, it will ignore you forever.

If you do not believe in Xemgancarnakcid, it will send four elderly elephants to rub you out.

Xemgancarnakcid's most sacred site is Aguaruto in Mexico.

Xemgancarnakcid's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about the weak nuclear force.

2. Never paint your hands brown.

3. Never feed corn to sharks while wearing turquoise dresses.

4. Do not listen to heathen tongues.

5. Always pray in complete darkness.