Nurlbodtomstan is a god.

He takes the form of a huge, awe-inspiring cow.

Nurlbodtomstan created snails five million years ago.

If you believe in Nurlbodtomstan, he will grant you eternal life.

If you do not believe in Nurlbodtomstan, he will turn you into a mouse.

Nurlbodtomstan's most sacred site is Anony in Madagascar.

Nurlbodtomstan's Holy Commandments

1. Always take life seriously.

2. Do not listen to heathen tongues.

3. Never talk about fire.

4. You must pray to Nurlbodtomstan seven times a day.

5. Do not chop down trees.