Volzigmeg Jophivnat is a god.

She takes the form of an extremely fat, effective cobra.

Volzigmeg Jophivnat created a charm quark eight trillion years ago.

If you believe in Volzigmeg Jophivnat, she will celebrate by creating some universes.

If you do not believe in Volzigmeg Jophivnat, she will attempt to scare you with earthquakes.

Volzigmeg Jophivnat's most sacred site is Pontelandolfo in Italy.

Volzigmeg Jophivnat's Holy Commandments

1. Show mercy to disobedient children.

2. Do not cook food in pots.

3. Do not speak about spinach.

4. Put Volzigmeg Jophivnat first in all things.

5. Always look after injured seals.