Tonkhogzak is a god.

He takes the form of a plump, witty goose.

Tonkhogzak created a charm quark two quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Tonkhogzak, he will make you immortal.

If you do not believe in Tonkhogzak, he will send five hundred and sixty eight geese to peck you to death.

Tonkhogzak's most sacred site is Leswalt in Scotland.

Tonkhogzak's Holy Commandments

1. Never hurt horses.

2. Never feed coconuts to manatees while wearing blue trousers.

3. Never talk about fire.

4. Run away if nine ants approach from the west.

5. Never wear shoes.