Vinquaglarp Ontbon is a god.

It takes the form of a nine hundred metre long, thoughtless tortoise.

Vinquaglarp Ontbon created the Sombrero Galaxy three million years ago.

If you believe in Vinquaglarp Ontbon, it will smite all your enemies.

If you do not believe in Vinquaglarp Ontbon, it will destroy your favourite star.

Vinquaglarp Ontbon's most sacred site is Taktser in China.

Vinquaglarp Ontbon's Holy Commandments

1. Never wear kilts.

2. Never think about gravity.

3. Do not dye your hair brown.

4. Do not cook food in pots.

5. Never eat bark.