Teenyarpdin is a god.

She takes the form of a very long, annoying cow.

Teenyarpdin created viruses six thousand years ago.

If you believe in Teenyarpdin, she will be very happy.

If you do not believe in Teenyarpdin, she will turn you into an amoeba.

Teenyarpdin's most sacred site is Panormos in Greece.

Teenyarpdin's Holy Commandments

1. Always obey Teenyarpdin's priests.

2. Erect a large tin sculpture of Teenyarpdin on top of all buildings.

3. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.

4. Do not drink alcohol.

5. Never think about horizontal gene transfer.