Pintarpflapceb is a god.

She takes the form of an enormous, duplicitous guinea pig.

Pintarpflapceb created a bottom quark two billion years ago.

If you believe in Pintarpflapceb, she will be happy.

If you do not believe in Pintarpflapceb, she will turn you into a worm.

Pintarpflapceb's most sacred site is Katballe in Denmark.

Pintarpflapceb's Holy Commandments

1. Never eat green fruit.

2. Hide from red gulls for they are unholy.

3. Squirrels are not to be trusted.

4. Never feed limes to rats while wearing white skirts.

5. Pintarpflapceb loves sharks, so they must be honoured.