Satyattyar is a god.

He takes the form of an extremely small, self-assured crane.

Satyattyar created the planet Mars three trillion years ago.

If you believe in Satyattyar, he will look after you all your life.

If you do not believe in Satyattyar, he will send four elderly elephants to rub you out.

Satyattyar's most sacred site is Xtul in Mexico.

Satyattyar's Holy Commandments

1. Do not covet oxen.

2. Never eat green fruit.

3. Do not drink from vessels made of base metals.

4. Always make a point of helping unfortunate porpoises.

5. Do not chop down trees.