Flapxempit is a god.

He takes the form of a four hundred metre long, stupid lobster.

Flapxempit created a Higgs boson six million years ago.

If you believe in Flapxempit, he will be happy.

If you do not believe in Flapxempit, he will turn you into a goat.

Flapxempit's most sacred site is Dommerby in Denmark.

Flapxempit's Holy Commandments

1. Retreat if nine great tits approach from the east.

2. Always make sure there are no snails in a building before entering it.

3. Never eat green fruit.

4. Respect rivers and do not attempt to bridge them.

5. Never laugh in the presence of shrews.