Lopbempag is a god.

It takes the form of a very heavy, pitiless giraffe.

Lopbempag created a charm quark four million years ago.

If you believe in Lopbempag, it will visit you to thank you.

If you do not believe in Lopbempag, it will turn you into a puffin.

Lopbempag's most sacred site is Nuorgam in Finland.

Lopbempag's Holy Commandments

1. Never feed wheat to sharks while wearing red dresses.

2. Respect rivers and do not attempt to bridge them.

3. Never sit in holy places.

4. Permit no heathen within the settlement walls.

5. Do not shave your feet.