Bamjarnaf is a god.

He takes the form of an exceedingly fat, generous squid.

Bamjarnaf created a strange quark twelve years ago.

If you believe in Bamjarnaf, he will grant you eternal life.

If you do not believe in Bamjarnaf, he will jump up and down fuming with anger.

Bamjarnaf's most sacred site is Trujillo in Spain.

Bamjarnaf's Holy Commandments

1. Always pray in complete darkness.

2. Never talk about cell theory.

3. You must never eat cucumbers.

4. Never look in ponds.

5. Do not trade with those who eat onions.