Voncubweg is a god.

She takes the form of an extremely thin, idiotic unicorn.

Voncubweg created dark energy five trillion years ago.

If you believe in Voncubweg, she will ignore you forever.

If you do not believe in Voncubweg, she will name a particularly small and pointless dust cloud after you.

Voncubweg's most sacred site is Nanjie in China.

Voncubweg's Holy Commandments

1. Never feed oranges to squirrels while wearing pink kilts.

2. You must love Voncubweg.

3. Never talk about fire.

4. Always help sick voles.

5. Never hurt gulls.