Lakloopcut is a god.

It takes the form of a microscopic, selfish mole.

Lakloopcut created humankind seven quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Lakloopcut, it will approve.

If you do not believe in Lakloopcut, it will turn you into a mouse.

Lakloopcut's most sacred site is Panormos in Greece.

Lakloopcut's Holy Commandments

1. Never laugh in the presence of seals.

2. Walk at least six thousand metres per day.

3. Worship no other gods but Lakloopcut.

4. Run away from violet voles, for they are unholy.

5. Do not drink from vessels made of base metals.