Bisscanfab is a god.

It takes the form of a heavy, charitable narwhal.

Bisscanfab created snails seven quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Bisscanfab, it will remain indifferent to you.

If you do not believe in Bisscanfab, it will send four elderly elephants to rub you out.

Bisscanfab's most sacred site is Snapp in Sweden.

Bisscanfab's Holy Commandments

1. Hide from fawn foxes for they are unholy.

2. Do not speak about aubergines.

3. Do not make images of living things.

4. Run away from green goats, for they are unholy.

5. Put Bisscanfab first in all things.