Bemcatnak is a god.

He takes the form of a blubbery, pitiless duck.

Bemcatnak created dark matter seven quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Bemcatnak, he will smite all your enemies.

If you do not believe in Bemcatnak, he will turn you into a sparrow.

Bemcatnak's most sacred site is Insel in Germany.

Bemcatnak's Holy Commandments

1. Never write about gravity.

2. Do not covet oxen.

3. Never talk about fire.

4. Pray towards the north.

5. Hide from turquoise shrews for they are unholy.