Bastgumjop Volzedbid is a god.

It takes the form of a seven thousand metre long, emotional zebra.

Bastgumjop Volzedbid created viruses two years ago.

If you believe in Bastgumjop Volzedbid, it will grant your every wish.

If you do not believe in Bastgumjop Volzedbid, it will send four elephants to rub you out.

Bastgumjop Volzedbid's most sacred site is Artena in Italy.

Bastgumjop Volzedbid's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about gravity.

2. Never paint your hands turquoise.

3. Do not fashion models of living things.

4. Doors are unholy and should not be erected.

5. Never think about the weak nuclear force.