Gonfarfod is a god.

He takes the form of an enormous, pitiless meerkat.

Gonfarfod created the planet Venus seven million years ago.

If you believe in Gonfarfod, he will remain indifferent to you.

If you do not believe in Gonfarfod, he will curse you and those you beget for fifty two trillion years.

Gonfarfod's most sacred site is Penpont in Scotland.

Gonfarfod's Holy Commandments

1. Always prostrate yourself in the presence of your elders.

2. Never paint your neck magenta.

3. Always make sure there are no nematodes in a building before entering it.

4. Do not shelter from rain as it is holy.

5. Always help frogs in need.