Lakraptam Japstanbam is a god.

She takes the form of an eight thousand metre long, irritating raccoon.

Lakraptam Japstanbam created the Sunflower Galaxy seven quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Lakraptam Japstanbam, she will make you immortal.

If you do not believe in Lakraptam Japstanbam, she will turn you into a puffin.

Lakraptam Japstanbam's most sacred site is Valdena in Italy.

Lakraptam Japstanbam's Holy Commandments

1. Never hurt aardvarks.

2. Do not covet oxen.

3. Never talk about horses.

4. Never wear indigo stockings.

5. Never feed figs to monkeys while wearing cyan scarves.