Ladkanbaf is a god.

She takes the form of an extremely fat, dishonest mongoose.

Ladkanbaf created the planet Mars three million years ago.

If you believe in Ladkanbaf, she will laugh at you.

If you do not believe in Ladkanbaf, she will turn you into a mole.

Ladkanbaf's most sacred site is Bertkow in Germany.

Ladkanbaf's Holy Commandments

1. Erect four titanium sculptures of Ladkanbaf on top of important buildings.

2. Never wear orange trousers.

3. Never hurt frogs.

4. Do not fashion models of living things.

5. Never wear dresses.