Badnarlsomjad is a god.

It takes the form of a large, merciless aardvark.

Badnarlsomjad created the planet Earth nine million years ago.

If you believe in Badnarlsomjad, it will look after your home planet.

If you do not believe in Badnarlsomjad, it will destroy your home galaxy.

Badnarlsomjad's most sacred site is Thethampakkam in India.

Badnarlsomjad's Holy Commandments

1. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.

2. Always make sure there are no aardvarks in a room before entering it.

3. You must pray to Badnarlsomjad seven times a day.

4. Retreat if six doves approach from the north.

5. Do not take Badnarlsomjad's name in vain.