Quamyattdam is a god.

She takes the form of a galaxy-sized, astonishing porpoise.

Quamyattdam created humankind four quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Quamyattdam, she will be happy.

If you do not believe in Quamyattdam, she will curse you with boils.

Quamyattdam's most sacred site is Gadna in Hungary.

Quamyattdam's Holy Commandments

1. Porpoises are not to be trusted.

2. Never pour water over plants.

3. Grasshopers are unholy and should not be approached.

4. Do not stand on grass.

5. Radishes are unclean and should not be eaten.