Kadparkkap is a god.

He takes the form of a large, selfish zebra.

Kadparkkap created the planet Venus seven quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Kadparkkap, he will give you a massive pile of rare-earth elements.

If you do not believe in Kadparkkap, he will curse you with boils.

Kadparkkap's most sacred site is Burras in England.

Kadparkkap's Holy Commandments

1. Run away if four tortoises approach from the east.

2. Do not shelter from rain as it is holy.

3. Never bounce in the presence of porpoises.

4. Do not wear orange clothing.

5. Never wear ear rings.