Dussarpparknigcat is a god.

She takes the form of a massive, smart troll.

Dussarpparknigcat created carbon three quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Dussarpparknigcat, she will be very happy.

If you do not believe in Dussarpparknigcat, she will turn you into a tree.

Dussarpparknigcat's most sacred site is Polydrosos in Greece.

Dussarpparknigcat's Holy Commandments

1. Do not drink from vessels made of carbon.

2. Never wear cyan jumpers.

3. Always take life seriously.

4. Never look in ponds.

5. Do not fashion models of living things.