Zigpangjig is a god.

He takes the form of an extremely small, fussy octopus.

Zigpangjig created a down quark nine trillion years ago.

If you believe in Zigpangjig, he will grant you five wishes.

If you do not believe in Zigpangjig, he will send four elderly elephants to rub you out.

Zigpangjig's most sacred site is Panormos in Greece.

Zigpangjig's Holy Commandments

1. Your children must be taught to worship Zigpangjig.

2. Always look after injured geese.

3. Look mercifully on unfortunate turtles.

4. Never talk about snails.

5. Never play with disobedient children.