Lamjarnnan is a god.

She takes the form of an extremely heavy, self-assured faun.

Lamjarnnan created humankind five trillion years ago.

If you believe in Lamjarnnan, she will grant your every wish.

If you do not believe in Lamjarnnan, she will insist you be burnt at the stake.

Lamjarnnan's most sacred site is Qantir in Egypt.

Lamjarnnan's Holy Commandments

1. Do not chop down trees.

2. Never eat bark.

3. Do not shelter from rain as it is holy.

4. Never talk about gravity.

5. Never eat pineapples.