Quimyarlbum is a god.

She takes the form of a five thousand metre long, duplicitous mongoose.

Quimyarlbum created a top quark nine million years ago.

If you believe in Quimyarlbum, she will answer your prayers.

If you do not believe in Quimyarlbum, she will turn you into a blue tit.

Quimyarlbum's most sacred site is Hongcun in China.

Quimyarlbum's Holy Commandments

1. Do not wear zinc on your body.

2. Respect your elders.

3. Always prostrate yourself in the presence of your elders.

4. Never jump near manatees.

5. Walk at least nine thousand metres per day.