Lunomtsasyim Vadingmanjopmabkanyok is a god.

He takes the form of an extremely fat, blissful cobra.

Lunomtsasyim Vadingmanjopmabkanyok created carbon five million years ago.

If you believe in Lunomtsasyim Vadingmanjopmabkanyok, he will make you immortal.

If you do not believe in Lunomtsasyim Vadingmanjopmabkanyok, he will sneak up behind you and tap you on the back.

Lunomtsasyim Vadingmanjopmabkanyok's most sacred site is Anony in Madagascar.

Lunomtsasyim Vadingmanjopmabkanyok's Holy Commandments

1. Never look at black holes.

2. Hide from mauve foxes for they are unholy.

3. Never think ill of sick gulls.

4. Fast once a month.

5. Hide if three snakes approach from the north.