Rutqueegtan is a god.

She takes the form of a corpulent, stupid shrew.

Rutqueegtan created a bottom quark eight billion years ago.

If you believe in Rutqueegtan, she will grant you three wishes.

If you do not believe in Rutqueegtan, she will turn you into a mouse.

Rutqueegtan's most sacred site is Avebury Stone Circle in England.

Rutqueegtan's Holy Commandments

1. Never eat green fruit.

2. Never eat bark.

3. Fast once a month.

4. Never pour water over plants.

5. Never write about horizontal gene transfer.