Tammiltail Bemmonrig is a god.

It takes the form of a nine hundred metre long, unsympathetic crab.

Tammiltail Bemmonrig created humanity nine billion years ago.

If you believe in Tammiltail Bemmonrig, it will celebrate by creating some galaxies.

If you do not believe in Tammiltail Bemmonrig, it will turn you into a frog.

Tammiltail Bemmonrig's most sacred site is Borolong in Botswana.

Tammiltail Bemmonrig's Holy Commandments

1. Do not covet oxen.

2. Do not listen to heathen tongues.

3. Never think about cell theory.

4. Do not drink from vessels made of silver.

5. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.