Nilbitkab is a god.

He takes the form of a seven hundred metre long, staggering rat.

Nilbitkab created the world eight trillion years ago.

If you believe in Nilbitkab, he will not care.

If you do not believe in Nilbitkab, he will send twenty eight swans to peck you to death.

Nilbitkab's most sacred site is Troqueer in Scotland.

Nilbitkab's Holy Commandments

1. Your children must be taught to worship Nilbitkab.

2. Do not listen to heathen tongues.

3. Do not drink from vessels made of base metals.

4. Hide if four shrews approach from the west.

5. Never talk about fire.