Quartgilwiklarn is a god.

It takes the form of an extremely small, humorless crab.

Quartgilwiklarn created viruses four billion years ago.

If you believe in Quartgilwiklarn, it will be shocked.

If you do not believe in Quartgilwiklarn, it will turn you into a puffin.

Quartgilwiklarn's most sacred site is Gomba in Hungary.

Quartgilwiklarn's Holy Commandments

1. Do not listen to heathen tongues.

2. Never think about the inheritance of acquired characteristics.

3. Doves are unholy and should not be approached.

4. Never paint your feet black.

5. Do not drink alcohol.