Batjopvab is a god.

He takes the form of a fat, overgenerous newt.

Batjopvab created the Tadpole Galaxy three quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Batjopvab, he will give you lots of gold.

If you do not believe in Batjopvab, he will destroy your favourite dwarf planet.

Batjopvab's most sacred site is Karikalampakkam in India.

Batjopvab's Holy Commandments

1. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.

2. Never think about gravity.

3. Retreat if five doves approach from the east.

4. Always treat grasshopers with great respect.

5. Do not speak about melons.