Bassquagster is a god.

She takes the form of a very large, merciless beaver.

Bassquagster created Europe eighteen thousand years ago.

If you believe in Bassquagster, she will give you the power of flight.

If you do not believe in Bassquagster, she will send four elephants to rub you out.

Bassquagster's most sacred site is Gassin in France.

Bassquagster's Holy Commandments

1. Never write about the inheritance of acquired characteristics.

2. Never talk about comets.

3. Always pray immersed in water.

4. Do not drink from vessels made of base metals.

5. You must love Bassquagster.