Bassarfster is a god.

He takes the form of a galaxy-sized, thoughtless weasel.

Bassarfster created a photon nine million years ago.

If you believe in Bassarfster, he will be very happy.

If you do not believe in Bassarfster, he will turn you into a rat.

Bassarfster's most sacred site is Elatos in Greece.

Bassarfster's Holy Commandments

1. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.

2. Erect a large platinum sculpture of Bassarfster on top of all buildings.

3. Do not covet oxen.

4. Never wear green boots.

5. Do not stand on grass.