Govtapnell is a god.

He takes the form of a huge, omniscient walrus.

Govtapnell created life two quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Govtapnell, he will grant you eternal life.

If you do not believe in Govtapnell, he will have a very low opinion of you.

Govtapnell's most sacred site is Qangwa in Botswana.

Govtapnell's Holy Commandments

1. Never paint your back indigo.

2. Do not stand on grass.

3. Do not take Govtapnell's name in vain.

4. Do not shelter from rain as it is holy.

5. Always pray immersed in water.