Hakvincudcunvoghubsid is a god.

He takes the form of a microscopic, sage tapir.

Hakvincudcunvoghubsid created a bottom quark two billion years ago.

If you believe in Hakvincudcunvoghubsid, he will look on you favourably.

If you do not believe in Hakvincudcunvoghubsid, he will turn you into a puffin.

Hakvincudcunvoghubsid's most sacred site is Laurila in Finland.

Hakvincudcunvoghubsid's Holy Commandments

1. Do not eat beans.

2. Do not drink from vessels made of carbon.

3. Never skip near grasshopers.

4. Run away from magenta geese, for they are unholy.

5. Show mercy to disobedient children.