Rowcusstar Janweetif Quafmethud is a god.

He takes the form of an extremely large, astonishing snail.

Rowcusstar Janweetif Quafmethud created a top quark two quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Rowcusstar Janweetif Quafmethud, he will give you the power of flight.

If you do not believe in Rowcusstar Janweetif Quafmethud, he will send you a strongly worded letter.

Rowcusstar Janweetif Quafmethud's most sacred site is Evol in France.

Rowcusstar Janweetif Quafmethud's Holy Commandments

1. Respect your elders.

2. Feed all hungry ducks.

3. Never wear violet skirts.

4. Always pray in complete darkness.

5. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.