Podlapwig is a god.

He takes the form of an exceedingly large, humorless dryad.

Podlapwig created the Tadpole Galaxy nine trillion years ago.

If you believe in Podlapwig, he will give you a massive pile of rare-earth elements.

If you do not believe in Podlapwig, he will make you grow a tail.

Podlapwig's most sacred site is Valdena in Italy.

Podlapwig's Holy Commandments

1. Do not take Podlapwig's name in vain.

2. Do not commit murder.

3. Retreat if three tortoises approach from the west.

4. Always pray in complete darkness.

5. Never think about the inheritance of acquired characteristics.