Kimvadkik is a god.

She takes the form of a corpulent, humane beaver.

Kimvadkik created Africa three million years ago.

If you believe in Kimvadkik, she will ignore you.

If you do not believe in Kimvadkik, she will think nothing of it.

Kimvadkik's most sacred site is Pialeia in Greece.

Kimvadkik's Holy Commandments

1. Do not speak about peas.

2. Do not wear zinc on your body.

3. Erect five aluminium sculptures of Kimvadkik on top of important buildings.

4. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.

5. Do not dye your hair brown.