Nutfonfet is a god.

She takes the form of an eight thousand metre long, irritating mole.

Nutfonfet created the Cigar Galaxy five trillion years ago.

If you believe in Nutfonfet, she will give you lots of grapes.

If you do not believe in Nutfonfet, she will curse you and those you beget for seventy quadrillion years.

Nutfonfet's most sacred site is Minnigaff in Scotland.

Nutfonfet's Holy Commandments

1. Always obey Nutfonfet's priests.

2. Never talk about turtles.

3. Always look both ways before crossing roads.

4. Never wear stockings.

5. Radishes are unclean and should not be eaten.