Vigfumjan is a god.

He takes the form of an extremely fat, dishonourable cat.

Vigfumjan created water eight quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Vigfumjan, he will grant all your wishes.

If you do not believe in Vigfumjan, he will try to impress you with rainbows.

Vigfumjan's most sacred site is Katteri in India.

Vigfumjan's Holy Commandments

1. Always prostrate yourself in the presence of your elders.

2. Never sit near capybaras.

3. Never talk about fire.

4. Never wear fawn trousers.

5. Do not shave your face.